, originally uploaded by spodd.

I'm having a bit of a dilemma with photography. Also a dilemma with life, things have been running so smoothly, but at the same time things will drastically change in the next few days, and I'm faced with going home for 4 months. It is an odd prospect, I will need to work and find my feet again in a place where I feel a stranger. I sabotage things that are going well, complete happiness is only temporary and its hitting home. She will be gone for 4 months, and I need to detach myself so I can move on with my life. Cut the chord and see if the feelings are still there in 4 months time. the prospect of 'relationships' scare me senseless. mainly because I am always looking for the next person, I need to stop doing that. also over time I have come to the conclusion, a relationship isn't everything, and love is something to be taken care of over time. who knows what love is at this age, who knows if you can really have a relationship at this time, it all seems so immature at this age. The next few years will be crucial in me as a person, I have made a lot of steps forward this year, but plenty back. It is negative at this stage as I am coming to terms things will change, and maybe for the better, take it as experience, all of it. and learn from it later on in life, don't make the same mistakes again because it is hopeless.
At the moment I am feeling lost and slowly lonely and detached from the people that mean a lot.

I am pretty stupid when it comes to things like this.